PEACE IN OUR MARRIAGE

peace in our marriage: Marriage Problem - is Divorce the Best Option?

2010-06-07T03:00:00.000-07:00

peace in our marriage: Marriage Problem - is Divorce the Best Option?

Marriage Problem - is Divorce the Best Option?

2010-06-07T02:48:00.000-07:00

For many in our country, divorce is not a choice, but a tragedy that has struck and destroyed hope and happiness. Many people will be able to identify with more than the mere statistics, but also with the trauma associated with divorce.

The question is who suffers most when divorce occurs? The man, wife or the Children? Are you considering possible divorce or are you already facing this ugly monster? Possible living in little hell. It is hell when couples living under the same roof are not in harmony and peace. When quarrel and shouting becomes the order of the day. When the wife and husband maintain two different kitchens. When fear, suspicion, and insecurity becomes trade mark. "Widow Hood is far better than broken home"

Before considering divorce, look at the following:

1. Pause a bit and consider the first night both of you met. Remember the sweet moments both of you shared. There are always sweet memories in every marriage. Sweet memories are not always forgotten. 2. No matter how bad a person is (husband or wife) there is always a good aspect of that person. Take it or leave it your partner have affected your life in one way or the other. It is not always bad, bad, bad situation. That is why when people re-marry you still live to cast your mind back over some good moments. How do you feel when you set eyes on your ex husband or wife? You feel like coming together again. 3. Consider the emotional trauma your children will go through. Don't sacrifice the joy and happiness of your children at the expense of your misunderstanding. Do you consider the happiness and security of any child when he or she stays happily with their parents? What an ugly atmosphere of loneliness when they cannot reach their mother or father?
4. Consider also the broken heart, confusion, lack of peace and fulfillment the woman will go through. 5. How are you sure that the next wife or husband you are going to marry will not even worst than the present one you are proposing to divorce. 6. The issue of marriage problem can only be best understood by both parties. Third party can never and will never understand the intricacies surrounding the relationship. During any wedding, people gather to celebrate with you but after the wedding you are left alone within the four corners of your room. What goes on within that room is best known or well understood by both of you.

It is only you can resolve the crisis. How? Drop your pride and see things the way it is. Don't pretend it. Face the reality. Who suffers most? There is an adage that says "when two elephant fights it is the grass that suffers". Everybody in that relationship suffers but the children and mother suffers most. The marriage can be healed no matter how sour it is. I know a doctor who specializes in healing broken lives, marriages, situations. If you can drop your pride and turn everything to this Doctor, he will bring back new life into the marriage. (John 2: 1-11).

How to Change a Violent and Unfriendly Husband or Wife

2009-07-27T14:07:00.000-07:00

This article is all about showing couples who often complain of their spouse brutality, abuse, assault and unlovely behaviors and the possible ways to cope and live in peace with such a spouse without opting for divorce. Often times we hear couples with statements like: “my husband is beast”, “I regret being married to that animal”, “My wife is a dog”. All these and other hearth breaking terms came as result of the wife or husband exhibiting animal tendencies in their marriage relationships. They can be likening to “animal in human skin”.
Is it possible to live with a beast in the same house or is it possible to be married to animal? Yes, it is possible.
Custom and Culture have proved that today, though no government have come to approve such marriage arrangement. For example In June, 2003 a 9year old girl was married to a dog in Calcutta in India. In Nov, 2007 a man married a female dog in India. In 2005, 46 years old Sharon married Cindy (Dolphin). In June, 2006, Orissa fell in love with Cobra. (Snake)
In reality a man can be married to animal (animal in human skin). How you may ask? That can be possible when a wife or husband exhibits animal characters or tendencies (beast nature) in their marriage relationships. What are these beast tendencies and how can you identify them in any marriage? Wild Animals as we know possess the following traits:
A. They are not friendly.
B. They are violent.
C. They don't think.
D. They don't reason.
E. They live in their own world.
F. Always trying to escape.
The beast or animal nature outlined above forms the bases of violent, unfriendliness, infidelity, and lack of trust in marriage. Today many marriage relationships are suffering heavily under the yoke of this "animal in the home". Many have filed up divorce suit as a rest of assault, abuse, irrational thinking of their spouse and their inconsiderable attitude of their partners feelings.
How do we handle a husband or wife with these outlined characters or behaviors? How do we achieve a peace without if a couple finds him or herself in a tense atmosphere without filing for a divorce? How can such a husband or wife be changed?
The following four steps will help change the husband or wife:

1. Build a good affection. Show this animal (wife/husband) love. Prove your love. Declare your love to him or her. Perfect love removes fear. 1 John 4:18. Animal is always afraid of man. When there is perfect love in Marriage fear will disappear. Fear in Marriage brings lack of trust and hinder free flow of communication. With your proof of love, No matter how brute your spouse, love can change him or her. A good example is dog (man best friend as it is always being called). True love knows no limit. True love can break any barrier no matter how tough.
2. What makes him or her violent? What always bring this beast nature from this husband/wife? Find out. Hunger in any animal increases their vigilance and the vigilance brings out their brutality. What are his likes and dislikes? What are things that always provoke him or her? What makes him or she behaves like animal? Is it food or sex? Give him or her he or she wants and there will be peace. Prov.16:14
3. Don't attack any animal if you want to get the best from him. If you are brutal to your spouse you will never and can never get the best from him or her.
4. Animal has this instinct of always trying to escape. Find out what is responsible for your spouse always trying to escape from you to somewhere else? What is responsible for his comfort outside his marriage? May be his newly found lover is giving him something you can provide but you refuses to provide it or newly found lover boy is giving your wife something you can do but you refuses to do. The key is simple: "Provide the needed comfort or satisfaction you will bring back the animal home".
Is it possible to marry and live with animal in the same house? The answer is yes. No matter how difficult your spouse, you can achieve peace, love and build a strong lovely relationship void of assaults and abuse. Don't quit. Divorce is never the option.

What is Needed for a Successful Marriage

2009-07-10T04:11:00.000-07:00

Marriages are crumbling in America. There are many reasons why marriages are failing and it would be impossible to name all of those reasons here. Times are changing and people's concept of marriage has changed. Some people are waking up to the fact that they were probably better off single. Some chose an incompatible mate but chose to have a family and stayed with their mates. Many people chose to be married but live separate lives. Whatever the case, marriages are definitely on the rocks.

The family unit is giving into the pressures of society as far as how relationships are. On television, most families are characterized as being schizophrenic, sex crazed or having serious problems with extended family members. This has an effect on American society in which television has distorted what the family should be striving for which is an element of understanding, harmony or peace.

What has really did damage to marriages is the fact that parts of the civilized world has defined marriage as the woman wanting to be secure (home, possessions and security) while the man provides these things. Women are waking up and providing these things for themselves, making decisions for them, which according to patriarchal rules, is a no-no. So most women are choosing to be single and most men are not committing because of various factors. Society is changing as far as marriage is concerned.

Most marriages are breaking up because of not understanding the purpose of the other individual. People want to expand their horizons of self worth within marriage and because of traditional rules that were made up to keep relationships subject able, many people are escaping that mentality of slavery in any kind of relationship.

So if you are married, there are several things that you must do to create an atmosphere of harmony between you and your spouse and here are some of those elements to make your marriage a happy marriage.

1. Create a portal in which your mate can explore her/his real life passion.

This is very important. Even within a marriage, each person is an individual. You should help your mate accomplish their individual goals.

2. Give your mate plenty of room to grow and experience life.

Just because you are married does not mean that it has to turn into a prison. Let your mate do the things that they need to do to make them happy.

3. Make sure that your mate has significant time to themselves to think about their life purpose.

This is important. Everyone needs a time for reflection so provide your mate with those private times that he/she needs to get their mental and spiritual thoughts together.

Marriage and Family Counseling - Really Important!

Marriage and Family Counseling is important. Marriage and Family counselors help couples work out their problems to develop a system of love, trust and oneness in a relationship. Counselors can dig and see the root cause of the problem and recommend a solution for the ills and challenges of the couple or family. Marriage and family counselors are mental health professionals who bring a family perspective to a person, couple or organization. They treat families, mental, emotional and various health and behavior problems.

If you have children, it is great to have them as a part of the program since they are a part of the family. Marriage counseling considers peripheral characters, such as the Mother-in-Law, Father-In-Law, other relatives and the effects that they have on the marriage. This is accomplished via personality interviews with extended family members.

Marriage counseling brings out controversial issues. It could be some elements of a spouse's past that are hidden which affect the relationship deeply. Many of these issues can stop a marriage cold, such as incest, rape of a relative and abuse in a previous marriage. When problems like this occur, marriage therapy is truly needed to solve the problem. If your mate agrees, then this is one way to improve your marriage or else, the misery will continue.

Creating Fields of Love with Marriage

Many married couples are always confrontational because they can not forgive and forget. Some couples never recover from the problems in a relationship but choose to stay the course while being totally miserable with the choices that they made. They stop romancing each other and doing the things that allowed the relationship to flourish in the first place.

If you seek the professional help of a marriage counselor, they can provide a battery of tests and evaluate to study, comprehend and obtain new solutions for helping couples in their marriage. Most individuals resign themselves to live under a roof of controversy and loudness. This is detrimental to people who have families. Counseling is great and can heal the wounds of a person, family or extended family. Counseling can focus on brief, solution-focused, family-centered treatment which is center towards the cause of problems in your marriage instead of the symptoms. If you are married, you might want to consider this kind of treatment to resolve your problems.

Recognizing Certain Problems in Marriages

These issues are widely known to cause problems in marriages:

- Families facing severe mental illnesses and emotional disorders, such as schizophrenia and depression.

Many marriages have to take on the extra responsibility of a loved one or parent coming down with an illness. Sometimes, this causes pressure on one or both people in the relationship and can be financially taxing. The trend is to put that person in a nursing home or facility that can treat their disorder but a married couple can turn these kinds of situations into gold if they plan correctly and realize that not all is bad. This could actually enhance and help the marriage if looked at from a proper perspective.

- Substance abuse

A big problem in marriages is when a husband or wife has a drinking problem. Substance abuse can lead to spousal abuse. It can also cause children to become upset and carry memories of abuse for a long time. This issue has been studied for years and now, local governments are implementing free programs for spouses that have a problem with substance abuse to get help.

Marriage can be a good deal if you really work at respecting each other and love each others purpose.
Joshua Uebergang is owner of Free-Relationship-Advice.org where he teaches people free relationship advice online. You can also get more advice for a successful marriage. He has a free newsletter on relationships you can signup to where you'll get a special bonus.

Three Powerful Words That Can Change Any Trouble Situation

2009-06-25T07:31:00.000-07:00

It was 16th June, 2005, when I boarded a bus from Enugu en-route Lagos, Nigeria (night bus). The journey was peaceful not until at about 4am when the driver announced the stopping over of the bus at one of the terminal to enable the passengers ease themselves. We alighted from the bus to do just that, but while doing that not quite too long the driver left the terminal without me.
Hurriedly I ran after the bus with a hope of catching up with the bus but all efforts failed. But while running, another bus coming behind stopped to give me a lift. And while inside the bus I was boiling inside with anger and contemplating the kind of drastic actions to take against the Driver and the bus Company for committing such a blunder mistake by abandoning me.
After two hours of hot chase, we finally met the bus and the driver. With anger in my voice I asked him “why did you leave me behind”? The first word that came out of his mouth was “I am Sorry”. Instantly I was pacified. He apologized for his mistake. What do you expect me to do again as person after having apologized?
Every one of us makes mistakes in our relationship with our neighbor, marriages, offices, business associates. Often we repeatedly commit these mistakes. If however you are willing to face your mistakes and apologize to people you offend, you will notice that stiff resistance dissolves and a spirit of forgiveness prevails. If you are unwilling to acknowledge your mistakes, then you have a serious problem - pride. A woman once said that the husband has never apologized to her in their twenty three years of marriage. The husband was asked if that was true. He admitted that he never did apologize to his wife because it was unmanly to say to his wife I am sorry. To him he said his father have never apologized to this mother.
“A soft answer turns away wrath: but grievous words stirs up anger. Prov.15:1” With the words of your mouth you can build up your relationship with your partner, neighbor, business associate, boss in the office. Also with the words of your mouth you can tear down what took you years to build. I have used this Powerful three word s in my 14 years of marriage. It is a proven tool to change the face of trouble spot. How I wish people today will learn how to use these great words, the tensed situation will receive a peaceful solution.
It takes a humble heart to say I am sorry. It takes lover of peace to admit his fault so as to enable peace reign. It takes a lover of peace to rather accept wrong than to allow the fire to result to disaster. Learn to swallow your Pride, humble yourself and tell the people you offend "I am Sorry". Those words will change the trouble zone.

How to bring romance back into your life

2009-06-14T15:53:00.000-07:00

How to bring romance back into your life
There are 3 great things in this world. The first thing is for you to love someone. The second thing is for someone to love you back and the third greatest thing is for the first
and second thing to happen at the same time...”

I was talking to a bunch of friends and I found that some of them were complaining about the lack of romance in their lives, and I wondered why. One of my friends in particular I noticed complains a lot about everything and one of my friends is always happy about everything. Upon analyzing and looking at their lives I found that there was really not much difference in their lives. It was just the way they looked at things.

The way we look at things really affect us and the quality of life we lead. My spiritual guide and master, a very wise man, says focus on what you want in our life and that will grow manifold in your life. How true! My friend who focuses on the negative seems to be drowning in not so desirable situations, while my friend who always nearly focuses on the good things she has, seems so happy and content, and more and more good thing seem to come her way.

In introspection I have found the same works in my life too. Whatever I seem to focus on seems to multiply and envelopes me. The same situation if I change the way I look it again changes everything. The same situation, the same life but just the focus is different and such a different result. Now I have started focusing on what I want, and not what I don’t have. Nature has created everything in abundance and all I have to do is ask and then put my efforts towards getting it and at some point it comes my way.

The same way I was relating this to my friends. Focus on what you want. In this situation – romance. Okay, so let’s look at it. What are you doing about it? Well, at the moment, honestly nothing, except complaining about the lack of romance. So let’s turn it around. Think of what you have and what you want. So what do we have- a great spouse whom we love. Now what do we want- romance, romance rekindled, a romantic life.

Here are some easy steps to getting what you want:

• Focus on the positive
• Ask for what you desire and then surrender it
• Put forth self effort to attaining what you want.

Here is one way to jumpstart that romance and bring the zing back. Surprise them with a getaway. Nothing says romance more than a getaway. You could do it in so many ways. Send them an invite asking them to go away with you. Include a gift with the invite. You don’t have to spend money, you can write a poem or surf the net and find a poem that reflects your thoughts. Draw them a card, it’s the thought and effort that counts. Pick out some flowers from your backyard; make a cd of your favorite songs that you can bring to the getaway.

You could even put together a basket of romantic things that both you and your partner like. Some ideas for the basket would be wine, chocolate, favorite music, love coupons made out by you for your loved one to redeem, favorite romantic movie, lingerie, or some fun adult toys. If you don’t have time you can always get a basket from a store, there are plenty online, however make sure you plan for it.

There are many different ways you can plan your getaway. First surprise them with the invite and gift and then you can either keep it a complete surprise or let them know the plans. Here are some ideas:

• Weekend getaway to some place close by, a favorite bed and breakfast, or spa resort
• Long beautiful scenic drive ending with a nice romantic dinner
• Picnic at a park or favorite outdoor location. If you are planning on a picnic you could surprise them and bring a picnic basket with your most favorite foods and wines. Don’t forget the dessert. Maybe some chocolate dipped strawberries or some delicious chocolate.

If you are going away for the weekend and you have already made arrangements then you can have flowers or a gift basket waiting for your loved one at the hotel or bed and breakfast. If you have time to make the basket then customize it and make it as personal as you can. If you don’t have time you can find a nice naughty and nice basket online.

All that is between you and what you can do is your imagination. Let it run…. Rekindle the memories and the special moments you have spent together and let that inspire you to bring that spark back.

Article Source: http://www.ArticleStreet.com/

Rashmi Patel.

When and How to know that your Marriage is in trouble

2009-05-02T15:42:00.000-07:00

When is it time to say, "My relationship is in trouble, and we need help?" How do you know when that time is?

When couples wait too long to ask for help, the relationship may be beyond repair. The sooner help is sought, the better chance there is of recovering, saving and actually strengthening the relationship. This includes issues dealing with affairs or other types of betrayal.

The longer we wait, the more entrenched we get in destructive patterns and resentment and all hope for change is lost. At a certain point we don't even want change... we just want to be done.

The seven warning signs that a relationship is in trouble are:
1. Fighting has become the rule rather than the exception to the rule.
2. You find yourself looking outside the relationship for comfort, care, and understanding.
3. You can't remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place.
4. There is little or no intimacy in your relationship -- sleeping in different rooms or different beds, lack of interest, anger, and hostility so that intimacy is out of the question.
5. Spending very little time together, friends seem to be more important than your partner.
6. Reactions to situations are disproportionate to the content of the disagreement (i.e., feeling your partner doesn't love you because she/he didn't like the meal you cooked).
7. Feeling helpless and hopeless to change anything. Feeling done with the relationship, but unclear as to where to go and what to do. Feelings of anger, resentment, pain, and desperation are predominant.

If any or all of these describe you in your relationship, your relationship is in trouble and it won't be long before something more drastic happens, such as an affair, arguments get worse and inflate with intensity, increased jealousy, silence for longer periods of time, and sometimes even physical and/or verbal abuse.
Before your relationship reaches that critical crisis point, look at the warning signs and do something before it's too late:
Seek psychotherapy
Read books
Talk to a spiritual/religious advisor

Without help, the relationship will never get better with time; once a certain level of resentment, anger, and hostility hits, it will simply get worse and worse. Avoiding a total crisis and saving the relationship is done by knowing when you're in trouble and taking immediate action.

How to Kill the Green-eyed Monster (Jealousy)

2008-11-06T01:27:00.000-08:00

Nothing can ruin a relationship or marriage faster than jealously.
Jealousy creates anxiety, anger, loneliness, hate, fear. No one thinks clearly when jealous.

Having a relationship with a jealous person is tough. The jealous person acts untrusting or unworthy. Jealousy makes the person unattractive, even repulsive.

No one wants a jealous mate and no one likes being jealous. So what causes jealousy?

"Jealousy is the largest factor in breaking up marriages. Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person and the jealousy may or may not have foundation. This person is afraid of hidden communication lines and will do anything to try to uncover them." — L. Ron Hubbard

When you are jealous, a line of communication is going on with your spouse or lover that is hidden from you. The mystery causes the pain. If you witnessed your spouse’s communication line, so it was not hidden from you, you would not feel jealous.

Hidden communication lines or mysteries make you think of questions. "Will she find someone she likes better than me?" "Is he having an affair?" "Is she going to leave me?" "Does he think I’m unattractive?"

When you are jealous, the mystery makes you assume the worst. "Maybe he’ll fall in love with his cute receptionist and leave me." "She’s going to lunch with her old boyfriend because she’s still attracted to him." "He’ll come home and tell me he wants a divorce."

So how do you handle your feelings of jealousy? How do you deal with a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend who is jealous?

Solutions
"Communication is the root of marital success from which a strong union can grow, and non-communication is the rock on which the ship will bash out her keel*." — L. Ron Hubbard (*Keel: The main structural part of a ship that goes from bow to stern—front to back.)

If you are jealous, you need to communicate. You need to stop assuming the worst and ask questions. Communicate your feelings so you can work out solutions.

Bob says to his wife, "I don’t want to feel this jealously. I want to get rid of it by asking you a question, okay? Good. So are you attracted to Joe?"

His wife says, "Heavens no! Joe just wanted some help with his son. I love YOU like crazy!"

Bang! The hidden communication is revealed. The mystery is resolved. Bob feels much better.

If Bob doesn’t communicate, his wife’s communication with Joe makes Bob jealous, afraid and angry. Their marriage suffers.

If your mate is jealous, make sure you have no hidden lines of communication. "Would you like to read this letter from Jill?" "Can you meet with Joe to help with his son?"

Use communication to resolve the problem. For example, you notice Marcia is acting upset and not talking. You ask yourself, "What communication line might be hidden from Marcia?" You realize she’s been acting annoyed ever since you started working for an attractive female boss.

"Marcia, have I told you about my new boss?" Marcia jumps up and now wants to talk. You communicate the facts and remove the mystery. Marcia is cheerful and wants to go to a movie.

As well as using communication to resolve mysteries, communicate your feelings for your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. Tell him or her how you feel. Express your love. Show your affection.

Resolve the mysteries of the past. Discuss your feelings in the present. Make plans for the future. Because of communication, your relationship will be a big success.

L. Ron Hubbard also writes, "Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person. . . ." Mr. Hubbard’s discoveries on insecurity are outlined in his book, Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health, available in our bookstore

Ways to Detect If a Man Dating a Woman is Deceiving Her

2008-11-01T01:25:00.000-07:00

Some Men at time can be very cunning and deceptive. It is quite unfortunate women and young girls have fallen a victim of this deceptive act of men, making them to believe that they will marry them. Every woman feel relaxed when a man makes a promise of marry to her. In right sense no woman wants to ever remain single or unmarried.
But how can a woman detect or discover that a man who claimed to have fallen in love with a promise of serious commitment is deceiving or lying to her? What are the physical signs to detect this act of unhealthy deception?
1. DESIRE FOR SEX: There is a proverb that says: "What you can easily borrow you cannot spend Money to buy it". Any woman in relationship with a man should watch out for this behavior when the man who claims to love you starts demanding for sex. Sex does not come before marriage but after marriage. You do not build relationship by starting with sexual issues. Real men who want to settle down with a woman will not put sex first. Once sex is involved, there is no more excitement to explore. Parcels become more valuable when sealed. The excitement is in the seal but once it is opened the excitement disappears. Sex before marriage murders the excitement in continuous marriage relationship. Ladies should beware when the man who claims to be in love starts asking for sex. Love is not measured by Sex. Once he satisfies his sex drive, he looks out for new excitement and victim to explore. Any man doing these ends up dumping such a woman. Their conclusion has always been "she is not good material for marriage". You are only good for bed and not for home.
2. PREGNANCY TEST: Either it is for real or pretending, tell the man who claims to love you that: "you are pregnant for him after the relationship". A serious minded man will be happy to be called a father of your child but a deceiver will frown at the news of pregnancy. By frowning at the pregnancy test, it means you are only good for bed but not good to be called a mother. Do not waste your precious time and future with a man who is never ready to make you happy in life.
3. COMMITMENT TEST: A man who is ready to marry a woman will be happy to see the Parent for a serious commitment. Is only a prostitute you do not care about the parent and neither will you be prepared to enter any serious commitment. A hit and run or suck and dump man will never want to do any serious commitment, then what is the use of hoping what will never to a reality.
4. WATCH OUT FOR GIFT: Watch out when a man who claims to love a woman begins to bombard you with various kinds of gifts. Gifts pervert right sense of judgment. Let the man reserve his gift you until after the marriage. What is the need spending his hard earned money on you when he is not even sure of settling down with you? It is better for him to reserve it for tomorrow when two of you must have come together in holy matrimony. Men often use the term "let me spoil you". If the woman is spoilt before she finally settled down with a man, guess the man have got a serious problem to contend with. If addicted to his gift you may not have the strength to resist his demands when the need arises. A lover boy will portray his love by giving gifts but remember there are other ways to express your real heart felt love for a wife to be than blinding her with gifts.
5. FULL OF LIES: A man who is not ready for a serious marriage relationship will be full of lies. He says different things at a different time. He is unstable with his promise. If a man who is dating a lady or woman cannot keep his word/s or promise/s in a relationship now it is better to think otherwise in as much as woman will not want a broken heart. A deceiver will do everything to cover his lies but will not take note when he is pouring his words, but for you it is an opportunity test all the statement. With time the true will surface that his lying to you. Avoid this broken heart pain and quit this lying life.

Maturity... key to success in any marriage relationship

2008-10-28T01:23:00.000-07:00

Marriage is not for boys but rather for men. Real men are matured men. It is quite unfortunate today that we have a lot of lover boys and girls in marriage, which invariably have created a lot of serious Marriage problem.
Maturity of age have to a great extent contributes to success in any marriage relationship. Look closely into this life story. "A Youngman once approached his father that he wants to get married. The father turned down his request considering his age, though full grown up young man. After much repeated request the father obliged to allow him get married. But before the Youngman brought the wife to be for introduction (African settings), the father decided to set up a litmus test to test the young man maturity. The father tied up a dirty pig on the son's well-dressed-bed while he was away. On his arrival, he found a dirty tied up pig on his well dressed up bed. In anger the young man he protested that the pig must die. And at this point the father showed and said "Woman can do worse than this pig to you and if you insist that the pig should die it boils down to the fact that if your wife does something more despicable to you, you can equally send your wife to untimely grave." "Son! You are still immature to get involved into marriage relationship issue.
A lot of young lover boys and girls today have got into marriage relationship only to end up in divorce and regret the entire scenario. Marriage is not child play. It is never a thing to be toyed with. Those who toyed with it have got their fingers burnt. Marriage relationships are not made for boys and girls. The reasons are quite clear. Boys and girls are always under tutors and guardian. They always depend on others to make decisions for them. They are called "mummy's son or daughter and daddy' pet". They always attached to their guardian apron for important life decision. They often ask their mother "should I marry Suzy?" If the mother says no, that ends the relationship. It is better said they are not matured. If you need success in your marriage relationship maturity becomes a must key for the success. If any man intends to get into marriage issue he should ask this honest question "I am matured enough to accommodate a woman with their characters?"
According to Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother: and shall cleave to his wife and shall be one flesh". Specifically pointed out that a "man" not a boy, college student, or under age. Man shall leave ( break off from the parent's apron, matured enough to take decision, action, resolve issues without third party interference and cleave to his wife. Maturity in marriage means ability to leave and cleave. Notwithstanding look at the second life story: A wife of military officer in the course of little misunderstanding slapped the husband. The husband instead being over-reacted left the house quietly. The woman was worried for such an action by the husband. After a while the man returned home with this word of caution "If I have to react back to the way you slapped me, I will kill you with my bare hand but I know that if anger is not controlled, can destroy things.
Matured men don't rush into actions. He thinks before he acts. He doesn't speak anyhow. He doesn't act irrational. If at all you need to succeed in your marriage you need to consider your wife (woman) as a very "funny creature". They are very sweet, lovely, caring, happy now becomes sad next minute. If they to choose to love they love with everything within them and if they chose to hate they hate will all their heart. They are quite unpredictable. They are times one way traffic. They don't reason the way men reasons. That is how they are made. They are indeed funny creature. They are very wonderful. Therefore if your marriage will ever experience success in this area you need to exercise a lot of:
1. Patience
2. Understanding
3. Forbearance
4. Tenderness
Exercising the above takes maturity to make it happen.

HOW TO KNOW WHEN MARRIAGE IS ABOUT TO COLLAPSE

2008-10-21T01:20:00.000-07:00

Problems in marriage cannot be over-ruled. They are quite inevitable. No marriage relationship is without misunderstanding. Problems in Marriage as we say does not just happen overnight but sad to say that it builds up gradually. It always begins somehow and sometime with ‘little – little’ things called faults and careless jokes. It builds up gradually as each day passes by with one or both party not taking those “little - little things” serious. We developed an attitude of “it-doesn’t-matter”. And by the virtue of “it-doesn’t-matter” we take joy in sweeping those unresolved grievances under the carpet.
Divorce or break-up can be defined as an outburst of accumulated bottled up unresolved issues or differences. It becomes unbearable when it gets to the Climax and the resultant effect is divorce or break up.
But before the marriage crisis reaches a point of no return, there are signs or indicators that will show you that the Marriage is heading toward shipwreck. Armed with these indicators you can do everything within your reach as fast as possible to remedy the situation. Impossible is only found in the dictionary of mediocrity. These indicators are like smoke detectors in homes that alerts on any possible fire outbreak situation. What are these indicators?
1.Food Test: The moment the husband begins to find joy and comfort in another woman food outside his matrimony home, the break up is imminent. The effect of this attitude is that whenever the wife presents food, he starts with one complain or the other such as “the food is too cold”, “is not pleasant”, “I am not hungry”. All this excuses are sure indicator that somebody is somewhere working to take over your home. It is also indicator that the man is getting tired of the relationship. Afraid to eat your food, possibly he fears you might poison him. Mistrust has become very evident in such action.
2. Communication Test: When a husband or wife finds no joy in chatting, sharing, discussing together with his or her partner but rather can spend hours sharing and discussing with another man or woman. When a little joke or word brings provocation. When meaning is read to every sentence or utterance. When couples can no longer communicate freely. When words spoken do not brings joy to the opposite partner. A little thing flairs you up and you show resentment. It is an indicator there is a problem. When sense of reasoning is clouded .If all these shows up in your marriage, check them out the marriage is about to collapse.
3. Sexual Drive Test: When the wife uses sex as weapon of revenge to deny the husband his conjugal right. This action after repeated attempt the husband is forced to seek pleasure and comfort somewhere else outside his matrimonial home. When a wife finds sexual pleasure with another man outside her marriage. The “man or woman outside the marriage” controls the “husband or the wife inside the marriage”. The moment another woman or man succeeds in taking over the husband or wife the marriage is about to sink.
4. Fellowship Test: When the going was good both of you finds happiness, comfort, security in staying together. The fellowship was such a type that the unmarried envies. Always together with the children at the Beach, Sport Arena, watching TV together. The wife falls back to the man’s arm with comfort and assurance. The woman finds joy and fulfillment staying together with her man. What a beautiful picture of fellowship. The man at work longs to see the wife and children. The wife, whenever on tour or assignment outside the home longs to see the husband. She makes frequent calls to the husband and children. The children pose a question “where is our dad?” “Where is our mum”? But when the marriage is approaching collapse, the man finds no joy in staying with the wife or children. He finds happiness outside with another woman or children. Whenever a wife or husband cannot find joy, comfort, peace in staying freely for at least 2 hours with each other there is a serious problem looming around the corner.
5. Secrecy Test: When the marriage is about to collapse keeping secrets from one another becomes the order of the day. The cell-phone, diary, statement of accounts, and others. Wife is not allowed to check his bag. Phone calls are answered secretly. Any attempt to find who is calling raises a problem. Wife finds it difficult to undress before the husband. When you can no longer be open to one another the marriage is begging for a close.
As we take cognizance of the entire above indicators we can as well remedy the situation by asking ourselves the question “WHY”

How To Bring Back Peace To Marriage Problems

2008-10-10T01:17:00.000-07:00

It was precisely 17th October, 2003. At about 4pm (1600hrs) when Mr. Paul a member of a Christian church was caught in the act of adultery (infidelity) with another lady.
The Clergy and Board of trustees summoned him to discuss the issue of his infidelity. The wife (Suzy) was also invited to hear what will be discussed. When the meeting started, the clergy broke the news to her that the husband (Mr. Paul) was caught sleeping with a lady (Rose) somewhere. After speaking, they queried her “What have you to say on this”? She replied “It may be true you said you caught my husband in the act of infidelity but for me I do not believe nor think that my husband can ever do such despicable act ” “I know my husband too well that he cannot bring such a shame to our matrimonial home.
The Clergy and the members in anger and frustration to establish a point brought the meeting to a close, Both couple departed for home, and right on their way home Suzy said to Paul “I know too well you did it,” all the allegations was true, but I decided not to wash my dirty linen in the public”. “I don’t want to condemn again, but however I reserve what I will do to you when we get home.”
As soon as they arrived home, Paul knelt down with tears running down his cheek and said to Suzy “Honey I am sorry for all the embarrassment I have caused you and the family”, the fact that you did not condemn me in the public in spite of the shameful act.” “You stood by me in midst of my crisis”, “I promise you from never again to hurt you or bring you to shame”. “Please forgive me”. Suzy looked into his eyes and embraced him. Suzy forgave the husband of the shame and embarrassment he caused the family. With this great attitude of humility the family crisis was healed completely.
No marriage without crisis but no matter how deep the crisis in any family the following:

Principles that can restore peace back into your marriage

1. Don’t wash your dirty linen in the public. Discuss your problem within the four corners of your room, announcing the problem will cause more crack or damage to your relationship.
2. Defend your spouse even in the face of impossibility. That defense built confidence and security. It makes your spouse relax in your arm.
3. Admit your fault fast. The earlier you admit your faults or mistakes the better you save your marriage or relationship from shipwreck
4. Kill your pride. Pride and arrogance will ruin your marriage. With pride you will be blind to see when you are falling.
5. Love for family. Do you love your family, children, wife, and husband? With love for the family you will stick together to salvage the situation, you can say with love; it is too late quit.
6. Forgiven heart. Learn to forgive your spouse, no matter the circumstances you find yourself. Forgiveness will heal the broken heart and bring health to your life.

Why Do many Relationships Die?

2008-10-05T00:51:00.000-07:00

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 5, 2008

However badly marriage may be going at the moment; however broken the relationship between the two people may be at the moment, sometime in the past two people knew a happy moment or happy moments. There must have been a time when the two people entertain their idea that they could make it out to be husband and wife. Let each love story end up as it may, the beginning is always sweet. The trouble is that the sweet portion of relationship may be over before the marriage, and the parties enter into the marriage because they do not want to hurt rather than because they are still enjoying the relationship.
Why do many relationship die?
I think there are number of reasons. We shall briefly look at some of those and suggest remedies.
The first main reason is the facts that most that most relationship start outside the will of God. The parties involved have sinned and rebelled against God. They are living outside God’s will and a relationship that was meant to satisfy, with God at the centre of the lives of the participants, fails because self is ruling of both parties or one of the parties. So two sinners who continue in their sin will fail in their relationship.
The second reason is the wrong parties are married to each other. A man whose shoe size is 9 will have a bad time with an excellent size 7 shoe.
The third reason is that many people make mistake emotional fevers which come on and off, for love and get married on the basis of these, and when the fever is over, they find that there was no love on which to build the relationship.
The fourth reason is that the love is allowed to die. Love is in sense living. If well nourished, it will grow and multiply. If badly fed it becomes dwarfish. If starved or poisoned, it dies from the starvation or poison. So to stay in love, the things that poison love must be eliminated and the things that cause love to grow must be brought in.
The following things poisons and kills love:
1. -Harsh words
2. -Cruel actions
3. –Selfish attitudes
4. –Excessive demands
5. –Superficiality
6. –Dishonesty
7. –Lying
8. –Marital unfaithfulness
9. –Dirt and disorder
10. –Ugliness
11. –Gossip
12. –Coldness
13. –Foreign interference from relatives
14. –Spiritual blacksliding
15. –Poor communication
16. –Separation from each other
17. –Pride
18. –Exposure of the faults of the partners to others
19. –Extravagance
20. –Lack of a clear sense of direction
21. –Poor leaderships from the husband
22. –Insubmission from the wife
23. –Laziness
24. –Financial security(the best security is that with God as the Guarantor).
The following causes love to grow:
1 -Tender words
2 -Tender and understanding actions
3 -A selfless attitude
4 -Generousity
5 -Hospitality
6- Humility
7 - Openness (No hide and seek)
Can the death of relationship be avoided. Ofcourse, yes. If only and if we can take serious thought on the above. Heaven will be our limit of joy and peace of our marriage. Marriage is made to be enjoyed and not to be endured .
Posted by Nicholas Anyanwu Emeka at 11:25 PM 0 comments